Heart=Mom: saying goodbye

All angels that come to earth eventually have to go home…it reinforces that we are here for a short time. And that angels come in many forms, especially in the form of friendship.

My maternal mom is the woman who brought me into this world, but I have mostly been left on my own to find maternal guidance and connection. My birth mom was always looking chasing after some guy and trying to make herself happy. She could also be judgmental, draining and unstable. And when I would try to ask my mother the curious-girl questions most tweens and teenagers would ask, she was usually unavailable-or just plain clueless and didn’t know the answer as well. My birth mom did the best she could with what she could give, but I felt such a hole in my life that my father (who was my primary caregiver) couldn’t fill-though heaven knows he tried.

The, twenty-plus years ago I met Helen…a woman twenty-plus years older than I who took me under her wing, into her heart and into her family. I am one of several “adopted” kids she took in and made us feel accepted and loved.

Helen had a way of telling you hard truths about yourself. It was direct, it was observant and it deeply examined your many layers of illusion, insecurity and fear you had built around yourself. Yet you didn’t feel judged, you didn’t worry you wouldn’t be loved, which was a concern I had in my relationship with my parents. And when Helen adopted you, there was no doubt you were family (from her or her three sons Ray, Rich and Bob). The door was always open and on the holidays there was enough food and wine for an army, lots of conversation, people, pets and board games. It felt like home.

I recognize the gift of Helen in my life and the unique, close relationship we had with each other. She was incredibly intuitive (heck-a professional psychic for years that taught intuition, astrology and assisted the police department in cracking murder cases.) So when she accepted YOU, she really did know YOU-you weren’t going to be able to hide your soul from this lady. As I grew in my intuitive and healing abilities, my art, career, relationships and stumbled forward finding my authentic self, Helen was my cheerleader as well as spiritual guide through my steep highs and lows. She never abandoned me or doubted me, even when I did those very things to myself. I am so grateful for her generous influence and contributions in my life.

So, after 4 years of fighting the dreaded “c” (cancer), she has finally surrendered and gone home. I know Mother Mary embraced her (yes Enid, you were right) and a huge reunion with so many friends and family greeting her upon walking through those pearly gates. So though I had been saying goodbye to Helen for 4 years, and I am grateful she is finally free from suffering, it’s an adjustment that will take me time to embrace. We get so attached to having a physical presence, even when the mind and body has seized working. With all my experience with Spirit, I still have an ache in my heart.

See, I lost my mom…she was gifted to me when the Universe heard me all those years longing to feel a warm and fuzzy, mother’s love.

I had a conversation with Helen a few months ago. It was yet another time she had been admitted to the hospital for some escalated symptom, again, so by the time I saw her, she was flying happily on some pain killer to make her comfortable. Even in illness and on heavy meds, Helen continued to surprise me with her accurate intuition and sensible advice. On this occasion, she spoke of how we would still be in communication when she passed over to the other side. I know how I usually communicate…the voices, a flash of a vision and whatever feelings I pick up. But Helen surprised me saying she knows she will communicate with me through bells. And it’s the way it happens or occurs, I will have no doubt that it’s her. As a “Wonderful Life” the holiday movie has taught us, every time a bell rings an angel gets their wings. So I have my ears on alert for the first significant bell I experience…and I will smile know Helen has received her wings and our connection will be even deeper and more special than before. How cool…I’m best friends and the adopted daughter of a bona fide angel.

Love never dies…and never leaves us. It just changes form.

Blessings to you all…



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